How To Care For Elders: Supporting Loved Ones In Their Old Age

Old Age And Care For Elders

Older adults have always been an important part of our families and communities. They offer wisdom and valuable insights about life, and their presence is a comfort to us all. In today’s society, however, older adults are often marginalized and ignored. This must change. We need to recognize the importance of our elders and work to ensure that they can live out their lives with dignity and respect. Ageing should be celebrated, not feared. So let’s all do our part to make sure that our elders are treated well – they’ve earned it!

 Caring for seniors is perhaps the greatest responsibility we have. Those who have walked before us have given so much and made possible the life we all enjoy.

Senator John Hoeven

Related Read: Completing the Circle of Kindness

The Process of Ageing

Ageing is a bittersweet process for many. As people age, they often feel lonely and forgotten. Add to that all sorts of pain and ailments that start to creep in, all weighing down on their body and mind. But no matter how bothered their souls are, our beloved elders seldom say it out loud. It is our duty, then, to go all out in making them feel comfortable, for we must not forget how they once were by our side, guiding us, picking us up in our weaknesses, weaving us a warm cocoon where we always felt protected, loved and cared for.

How To Care For Elders?

It is often said that “the best way to honour our elders is to care for them in their old age.” Putting thought and effort into making them happy will undoubtedly bring smiles to their faces and fill their hearts with gratitude. Here are some tips on how to care for elders:

Spending time with senior citizens

Check up on them every now and then

Time is the most precious asset one has and its significance has only grown over the years. To fulfil our quests in life and pursue our dreams, we move out of our homes and get so consumed with the new world that little do we realise our parents or grandparents are yearning to see us or at least learn about how we are doing. If you ever wonder what is that one thing that can bring joy to your older loved ones, let me tell you, it is not the physical gifts that they will appreciate… as much as they would love just a little of your time every once in a while.

Thanks to technology, today, with a click of a button, we can make ourselves virtually available to each other. Even it is for five minutes a day, we must reconnect, check up on them and share with them the highlights of our day. This would not only cheer them up but seeing them and sharing our updates with them would bring us a whole lot of mental comfort too, for their advice acts no less than a nice ‘champi’ after a long, tiresome day!

Related Read: Emotional Intelligence in Communication

What matters most to them is the efforts we make, not the worldly things we bring them. What fascinates them is your presence and not something that may cover up your absence. 

Spend time with those you love. One of these days you will say either, ‘I wish I had’, or ‘I’m glad I did.

Zig Ziglar

The Story of Siddhartha and His Grandma

Siddhartha was just 3 when he lost both his parents in a car accident. He was raised by his granny who did the best she could. She taught Siddhartha life’s most important lessons, attended his school functions, cooked him his favourite meals, celebrated his birthdays and festivals with full enthusiasm and never made him feel the void that is rather crushing when one loses one’s parents when they are needed the most. Years flew by without Siddhartha having to face any trouble ever, as his grandma stood by him like a rock! When one morning he received a call that he was selected to pursue his career albeit in a different city, both broke down. Goodbyes were difficult and it all worsened when the pandemic hit, cancelling all hopes for a reunion.

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To bridge the distance and ensure each other’s wellbeing and safety, Siddhartha and his grandma would get on video calls and spend time chatting and revisiting old memories, each making a cup of favourite ginger-cardamom chai (tea), and sipping it together on the call. Siddhartha would ensure that he kept a constant check on grandma’s grocery and medical supplies and whenever anything fell short, he would immediately arrange for things to get delivered to her. All it took him was just one phone call to his grandma and a few clicks on ecom stores.

Remote Troubleshooting

When one day grandma didn’t look her usual self on their video call, Siddhartha got concerned and immediately booked a video consultation with her doctor. He facilitated the call and took notes of all that the doc advised. Grandma was amazed at how she could feel his presence and said a prayer in gratitude to the Almighty for the virtue of affability he bestowed her beloved grandson with.

Soon the travel restrictions imposed were eased and without further ado, Siddhartha packed his bags and left to be with grandma. When the doorbell rang, grandma, oblivious to the fact that it could be him, shouted for the visitor to wait and with slow steps reached for the door. Her happiness knew no bounds when she saw Siddhartha. From behind her thick round glasses, he could see his old granny’s big eyes welling up, and a thousand lines of her face curling up in an effort for an ear-to-ear smile! What followed were days filled with countless hugs, endless conversations over several cups of chai, Siddhartha cooking their favourite meals, following grandma’s recipes, and both revisiting their memories flipping through old picture albums.

Everyone needs to have access both to grandparents and grandchildren in order to be a full human being.

Margaret Mead

The New Normal and Grandparents

The New Normal allowed Siddhartha to work remotely and turned serendipitous for both him and his sweet grandma. His love and care slowly caressed grandma back to health and grandma’s fascinating tales of her times and her delicious recipes made Siddhartha feel rejuvenated again.

It is not that it is just our ageing parents or grandparents who need us, it is us who need them more. Whether it is a piece of advice, a boost of morale or an insight into the ways the world functions, the gifts waiting for us are abundant! We simply need to step out of our oblivion and reconnect with our beloved elders.

Visit them As Frequently As Possible

While technology has indeed shrunk the world and made it possible for us to connect with each other in no time, the “old school” visiting our loved ones still holds incredible significance, especially when it comes to our parents and grandparents. Regularly visiting our ageing loved ones would only add more happiness to their life and they would have some fun-filled days to look forward to.

We may have become all grown up, shouldering multiple responsibilities and even nailing the millennial milestone of success called “adulting”, but deep down we all are little children who yearn for the same comfort and love of our parents. Just that, now we feel embarrassed and scared to let the child inside us take over. But, guess what! It is completely normal.

Loving Memories of Grandparents

The Unparalleled Bond of Love Between Grandparents and Grandkids

Grandparents and grandchildren share a special bond, a notch better than what even parents have with their children! The many visits I made to my grandparents’ only made my heart grow fonder, besides all those special meals cooked by my grandma made me more fat up by the time I would return, and no matter how healthy I would be, I always looked weak to her! Thus, all the love dipped in homemade ghee and butter and baked into my favourite sweetcakes.

It is probably the opportunity of revisiting our childhood through our children that our parents love their grandchildren so much, and it’s funny how restrained they were from pampering us as parents, or they’d have spoilt us- if the then relics of wisdom were to be believed, that now they go overboard pampering their grandkids!

How My Daughter Changed My Parents’ World for the Better

My father has always been a very reserved man, keeping his thoughts and feelings to himself. But things changed when my daughter was born. He became a completely different person – now he smiles more often, attempts to make his grandchild laugh and clap in glee, and becomes her little pal in all her mischief. But whenever it is time to return to the hometown, a sense of sadness creeps in among us all and even my little one, who is just 14 months, tries to frantically look in all directions in a desperate attempt to find her grandparents soon after they have left.

Earlier I would rarely pay visits to my parents and it was mostly them who would visit me however only once a year, but now I have promised myself that I would visit them as frequently as possible especially for them to feel like a child again around my daughter and for her to understand the real meaning of love and learn a precious lesson or two on emotional bonding and good values that can be best imparted by a grandparent.

My Favourite Destination: Nani ka Ghar

The world map is dotted with several destinations that are scenic, exotic and on the bucket list of many; however, nothing can really supersede the warmth and beauty of one’s parents’ or grandparents’ home. At least, for me. The unpaved path leading to the main door of my granny’s sweet abode, the baithak or the living room where grandpa had his prized collection of books and diaries scribbled with anecdotes and quotes in English, Arabic, French and German- yes I never miss any opportunity to brag that he was a multi-linguist who once while visiting the Taj Mahal -apparently on their honeymoon- started reading out loud the illegible inscriptions in the Thuluth script. Oh, how my granny would narrate this over and over again, partly in disgust that she had to chase after him as he moved from pillar to pillar with a flock of people following him amused by his expertise, and partly because she was secretly very proud of him!

The courtyard of grandma’s abode with mighty walls and a brick flooring has seen better days- the mortar between the bricks is now crumbling, and there are large gaps where roots of the giant Peepal tree, of the neighbourhood backyard, have grown up through the cracks, intertwined and running throughout the floor. The fact that fascinates me the most is despite decades of being covered in dirt and leaves, the roots are still healthy and strong. All these little details tell tales of how they have seen generations after generations grow up and take on their world.

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My grandparents’ home doesn’t have plush furnishing, the latest gadgets or premium paints or fixtures, and yet it holds a very special place in my heart. The sunbathed roof, the singing of the cuckoo, the clear blue sky, the countless stars and amid all the natural bliss, grandma’s stories and her soothing, warm embrace!

My eyes have begun to well up as I write this, but all these visits are mere memories for me now. I lost my grandma last summer and although I have longed to go back to her home to feel her presence again, I haven’t really been able to muster the mental strength to first acknowledge her absence in the very abode that felt like a million bucks during all my vacations- where she stood waiting at the door, clad in a saree that she would wear only on special occasions, hair tied in a neat bun, and her gaze, from behind her thick round frame, fixed on the main gate longing for us to appear. My heart aches now at the very thought of how oblivious we were of the fact that one of those visits was the last of all the memories we ever created there.

Grief is just love with no place to go.

Jamie Anderson

An Animated Ode to Memories of Grandparents

Practise Patience

Remember how calmly our parents taught us the most important lessons of life? Did they have it easy? No. We erred, many a time. And still, they never lost their cool.

Ageing is harsh and it tends to make a person forgetful, weakens their ability to carry out even normal daily activities and in many cases causes impairment of cognitive function, speech and sight among many other ailments. It is our duty to acknowledge how agonizing all this must be for our loved ones. Therefore, we must always have a calm mind while helping them.

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.

John Quincy Adams

Standing by them in their weakest of days

My father suffers from a mild hearing ailment and one has to repeat things over and over for him. I would earlier lose my cool repeating something multiple times, it would show on my face as a sign of disappointment, only to change into deep regret moments later when I would realise how difficult it must be for my loving father.

I admire my husband who leaves no stone unturned in standing by his parents like a rock in the weakest of their moments. There is something about children who lovingly address everything from spilling of food – courtesy the old hands that are mostly unsteady while having meals – to gently tucking in napkins and wiping their parents’ mouths after they have eaten to cleaning up after, without a trace of embarrassment on their faces about the world watching.

Lend them a listening ear

Our ageing loved ones often reminisce about the golden moments of their life and are ever excited to share those anecdotes with us, no matter how many times they have already done so in the past. Each time they narrate, their eyes just twinkle up. I feel if we listen to them with the same intent each time, exactly how we did the very first time, it would only bring them more joy and the feeling that they have something beautiful always to add value to our lives. Just ensure you actively listen, leaving your phones aside, practising verbal nods and appreciating them on how beautiful their life has been and how with several storms they emerged more resilient and strong.

Sometimes all a person wants is an empathetic ear; all he or she needs is to talk it out. Just offering a listening ear and an understanding heart for his or her suffering can be a big comfort.

Roy T. Benett

Keep your calm when they lose their cool

It is also important to note here that ageing causes people to become fussy just about everything, be it food, the surroundings or even the people around. But, deep down they mean no harm, they are just so arrested in their aching bodies that it all gets vented out through their words. Practising our cool and being soft on them is the only way they can be calmed. Kindness and compassion is a crucial lesson to be learnt by many young ones in how to take care of senior citizens in society, beyond just our own loved ones.

Monitor their caregivers closely

Even if we hire a medical attendant to give special care to our elderly, we must monitor them closely on how they are carrying out their job. Our role does not merely stop at finding a professional caregiver and we need to monitor the process carefully.

Allow social inclusion

Create social chances for your elderly dear ones to play an active part in your family and the community. Isolation can be a significant factor of emotional stress for older people; hence, make confident that you help them create changes that keep them engaged in things that help them feel better about themselves.

Related Read: Meet Sheela Bajaj, a grandma who became an entrepreneur at the age of 78 with the help of her grand-daughter Yukti.

My grandma and the tales of her time

I remember how whenever we would make a purchase, we would share the news with our grandma who would at times marvel at how the world has advanced and the other times give instant disapproval of the make and price, claiming how back in her time everything was made with genuine material of the highest quality and how gold would be sold at only 40 rupees per 10 grams. We would find these episodes so funnily refreshing that we would narrate daily news updates to her and listen to her in amazement when she would begin to draw a stark distinction between her times and the world today!

It is a fact that true friendships last a lifetime. Lucky are the ones who have their friends by their side as they age together. But, all are not that fortunate. Especially when they have lost track of each other and neither is on the new-age social media platforms. It is heartening to see that even then, ageing people develop a special bond with each other. Whether they meet each other as neighbours, during a long train journey or in their meditation or health groups.

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A heartening scene from C.R. Park

A scene that shall forever be etched in my heart is from Delhi’s C.R. Park. The community centre has several vendors, from chaiwallahs to ones selling chana jor garam to the famous ghooghni and puchkas. But if you have really navigated the place well, you would have noticed a special corner that is always reserved for an elderly group of friends. A simple set-up under a makeshift shed, with a huge carrom board in the centre, a pendulum lamp hanging over it, cemented seating, enough to accommodate five to six people and the best chaiwallah within the reach of all the gentlemen consumed in the game. When the game grows intense, one of them just signals with a wave of the hand, brows furrowed deep, and eyes still fixed on the board. No one speaks a word and moments later the chaiwallah appears with six glasses of hot steaming chai, each one takes theirs and what follows is long noisy slurpy sips while the game is still on! Irrespective of what the game ends like, I feel each one of them has already emerged victorious- in their precious game of life.

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing

George Bernard Shaw

A human being is a social animal and without a social circle or being indoors for days at a stretch will only age faster and grow weaker.

Encourage them

Sometimes, encouragement is all they need to understand that they can do tasks such as taking a walk around the house with ease. Anxiety and hopelessness begin to affect our mental health as we age. Make sure our elderly only have positivity around. Avoid playing movies or news channels that are mostly filled with gory scenes and negativity, instead, subscribe to channels that play soaps and sitcoms from their time or simply play some old melodies and watch how happily they start humming along.

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Gift them a hobby and join them in their fun

Gift them a hobby or simply bring them their favourite articles that would keep them engaged. A knitting set, books by famous authors, even musical instruments such as the good old banjo, a guitar, a mouth organ or a flute, it would all cheer them up!

My GreatgrandDad and His Passion for Music

My great grandfather had a treasure-trove of all these instruments, plus a mighty sitar and a fancy violin! Even in his old age, he would practice all these instruments with his group of friends flocked around and an intricately carved glass Hukkah by his side. My grandma never heard him ever complaining about anything in life!

My Uncle and His Passion for All Kinds of Restoration

I am also reminded of my old uncle who always advocated the concept of DIYs (Do It Yourself). He lived a long, happy, fulfilling life. Spent his time restoring things that were decades old. For example, there was a vintage-looking sewing machine that everyone had given up on and it was about time for the poor thing to get thrown away in the trash. Just then, my uncle thought of giving it another chance and began dismantling, carefully removing each part with patience and care. Days went by. He would only appear from his garage to eat or attend to any urgent tasks. A few weeks later, he rolled the machine out of the garage, leaving everyone in absolute awe! It was a sparkling new assembly, handpainted and well-oiled ready for use! I had always seen my uncle busy with something or the other, when not working on machines, he would be busy gardening.

You know, the beauty of following something so passionately is that you tend to pass it on to others without making an effort. There is something so strongly magnetic about you that you only inspire the world around. Children are quick learners and they carefully follow what they see. My uncle’s skills got passed on to his grandchild and at a very young age, he has started creating things out of stuff that once felt useless. Now whenever we visit him, we see their home filled with marvellous artefacts such as a brilliant floor lamp made out of the metallic drum of a washing machine standing proudly on the porch, lit up in all glory!

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

Mahatma Gandhi

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Care for them at home itself

No other place feels like what our home does when we are away; hence make sure to take them home where they are comfortable. Try opting for care providers who can provide care to your loved one outside the hospital because it is vital how they feel about their surroundings when it comes to health.

Practice mindful communication

Be mindful of how you are communicating things to your ageing loved ones. The tone should be soft and calm at all times. Don’t be afraid to have tough conversations, just train yourself on how to communicate without bothering their mental peace. Difficult conversations when carried out in a mindful manner, only bring you even closer to each other. Explore methods and resources available online to talk to your loved ones about the numerous treatments available and which one they would like to receive.

Regular medical checkups and care

Regular checkups and screenings allow doctors to catch potential issues early on, which can lead to better treatment outcomes. Unfortunately, many seniors don’t visit the doctor as often as they should. We must ensure that we take the lead here and plan and schedule regular medical appointments as health problems can sneak up on us as a person ages. We may not notice subtle changes in how they are feeling or performing until they’ve become big problems.

Stay equipped with latest technology and educate them too

Keep yourself updated with the latest technologies and innovations, which may be key in improving every aspect of care your older adults receive. This may include a simple face time with the doctor, an advanced security system that monitors your elderly folks and alerts you of any visitor while you are away, or pharmacy and grocery apps that can easily take and process orders for medical and food supplies. It is equally important to train the elderly on these technologies as they can easily operate and sustain themselves during the times when we are away.

Equip them with comfort

Ageing folks find it difficult to navigate through their surroundings. They suffer from conditions such as incontinence and ailments like Parkinson’s. We must ensure that they are fully equipped to independently function or at least with immense ease. Soft adult diapers, no-slip feeding plates and bowls, good grip spoons to equipment such as a comfortable quadripod walking stick, a foldable walker, to high chair toilet and bathing seats, padded wheelchairs with ramps built across the house to easily access high and low areas are just a few ways we can ensure their comfort.

Key Takeaway: How To Care For Elders In Their Old Age

The best way to assist our loved ones age gracefully is by being by their side, providing them with all that their age demands, practising patience, lending a listening ear and providing an understanding smile are simple gestures that go a long way with our elderly loved ones. This will not just help society learn how to take care of senior citizens, but also enrich our lives with sweet memories of grandparents, as we love and support them in their old age.

About The Authors

Manasi Srivastava is an experienced writer. She is also adept at voiceovers. She has a penchant for art and is a hoarder of beautiful handicrafts and works of renowned painters and artists.

A self-confessed coffee enthusiast, in her free time she loves to whip up a fresh cup, pen down her thoughts and spend some quality time with her daughter. She is parent to seven pooches too, who keep her life buzzing with something new and exciting each day!

Hetal Oswal is pursuing a Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration and a course in Jewellery Designing. She takes a keen interest in writing, and always keeps pushing her boundaries to attain perfection in whatever she does. For her, writing should be captivating and not about heavy words but the impact it creates on the readers’ minds.

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