How to deal with Heartbreak

What is heartbreak? How to deal with heartbreak?

Heartbreak is an intense emotion felt by all of us at least once in life, mostly many times over. It is an overwhelming emotional response to extreme distress, grief and trauma. With the massive loss of human life due to the pandemic, this is now being dealt with by a lot more people, and at a much rapid pace. In the current pandemic situation, several of us are forced to deal with heartbreaks along with the other vagaries of life and earning. The question on how to deal with heartbreak is hence, more relevant now than ever.

The truth about heartbreak

Dealing with heartbreak is particularly challenging. This is because we are neither trained to face it, nor consciously equipped to deal with it. Heartbreak, thus, can make you or break you; depending on how you take the hit.

The most important and critical thing to know is that you can learn how to deal with heartbreak, anybody can. It is no rocket science. There are several ways of doing this. Read on to figure out what to do after a heartbreak based on what suits your needs and personality. Adopt the strategy that works best for you in line with who you are authentically.

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

Marilyn Monroe

Heartbreak Advice

CHOOSE to not let heartbreak be the knockout blow

You can CHOOSE to take it as an opportunity presented to you in adversity by learning to deal with this adversity, to emerge victorious or give up and sink like the Titanic.

CHOOSE to get up, dust yourself and get back on your feet for more adventures that life has in store for you.

It is in your hands to CHOOSE to get armed with new tools and experiences, and learning from the opportunities arising with this blow instead of letting it knock you out.

The only time you fail is when you fall down and stay down.

Stephen Richards

You can CHOOSE to not waste your precious time being stuck with the adverse memories. Empower yourself to CHOOSE to respond to challenges with creativity and fun.

A good way to deal with your situation would be, to change the frame of reference of your thoughts and to selectively savor only the great memories shared together. This is one of the key strategies involved in learning how to deal with heartbreak. Be grateful that you enjoyed the company of your loved one for some time. We tend to focus our energy in feeling the pain of loss but fail to recognize the feeling of gratitude for having been blessed before the heartbreak.

This adjustment in mindset or realignment of attitude will help you to be optimistic, look forward to and enjoy the many adventures that life has in store for you and gain happiness. This will also help you in avoiding looking back repeatedly with sadness and regrets. Rather, you may learn to look back at the fond memories and feel blessed and empowered.

When do we face Heartbreak?

We face heartbreaks on the sudden accidental loss or death of a loved one, on a breakup or loss of a romantic partner, when our love interest does not reciprocate our advances and on betrayal by a trusted close partner, family member, friend or relative.

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

 Alfred Lord Tennyson

What are the signs of a Heartbreak

Heartbreak is a great energy sapper. It renders one totally exhausted, traumatized and in great emotional turmoil. Some of the feelings and emotions one undergoes initially when dealing with a heartbreak are :

1. Denial, shock and confusion.
2. Distracted, disconnected and withdrawn.
3. Deep Sadness, hopelessness and depression.

Overcoming heartbreak in the pandemic

Heartbreaks and our emotions have been particularly difficult in the pandemic. Many of us have not been able to let out our emotions physically. Each community has its own way, customs and practices to let out the emotions and turmoil within, after death of a loved one. However, quarantine has denied us access to these traditional methods of venting out. This needs to be well understood and addressed. The same stands true for heartbreak due to other reasons. Consequently, it is critical that we know how to deal with heartbreak.

Dealing with Heartbreak – It hurts like hell till one day it doesn’t.

Here are 4 steps to initiate the heartbreak cure

Admitting the problem

The first step in dealing with heartbreak is to recognize and acknowledge your feelings of emptiness and emotional turmoil. To begin with, acknowledge your feelings to yourself. This will help you to put your mind at ease. You will begin to cool down and start processing how you feel. Recognize and share your feelings with a trustworthy friend or relative. This will help you vent it out of your system. Consider writing in a journal at first, if you feel uncomfortable reaching out to others.

When defeat comes, accept it as a signal that your plans are not sound, rebuild those plans, and set sail once more toward your coveted goal.

Napoleon Hill

Face the truth

Escaping from the truth never helps to solve a problem and will not help you in coping with heartbreak. Accept that there is an issue that you are facing. Do not fight or pretend everything is normal. Take your time to feel all the negativity within. Grieve completely – cry it out, scream it out, vent it out, write a journal everyday. Do so repeatedly again and again till it is out of your system.

Reach out for help

Though we are still under quarantine and isolation in several parts of the world, we are blessed to be connected with each other digitally. The internet and access to handy mobiles has made us that much more inter-connected. Use this boon to your advantage. Use the technology to reach out and seek help to deal with heartbreak.

Reach out to help others

Another great way of dealing with heartbreak would be to help others facing similar or different kind of pain. When we focus our attention on helping others it helps us to heal too. If we look around, we shall find that everybody in the world has been dealt with some or the other problem. No one has it all good. It makes us realize that everybody is facing some or the other kind of pain.

Extending help to our fellow beings dealing with heartbreak helps us embrace our own emotional turmoil and get over it faster. It also help us to be thankful for what we have and refocus ourselves away from what we do not have. By helping others in the society, the purpose of our life becomes bigger than our problems and struggles. This brings us peace and contentment.

What are some of the useful self-help techniques to overcome heartbreak?

How to deal with heartbreak – 12 useful techniques

Here are 12 ways in which you can learn how to deal with heartbreak and figure out the best way to get over a broken heart, depending on what works best for you.

Journaling

Keep a diary and start writing about your feelings everyday. Try to write regularly. Write more than once a day – several times a day if that is what helps you. Writing about traumatic, stressful or emotionally disturbing incidents and feelings is one of the best self help techniques. Writing helps to not only vent out but also acknowledge your feelings. It puts your mind at ease. It helps you to improve both physical and psychological health.

Affirmations

Look in the mirror at yourself. Give affirmations to your self that you are lovable. Affirmations enable you to heal and build up confidence. It helps you to focus on the positive and on your strengths, rather than on what you lost. It provides you a good start to healing yourself.

Practice Gratitude

Be thankful for what you have – count your blessings! List down all that you still possess, your support system, friends and family. Everyday, write down some things that you are grateful for. Adopt the habit of practicing gratitude as a daily ritual. Remind yourself of the same several times during the day. This will help lighten the burden. It will make your mind believe in yourself again. It will enable you to de-focus from the loss/defeat.

Do not take things personally

Stop blaming yourself for the death of a loved one. Don’t pity yourself for failing to be cautious in case your trust was betrayed. In case of having been rejected by a love interest don’t take rejection personally. Don’t identify yourself only with the failure of one relationship or the loss of the loved one. Remember things happen. You are not the only one facing these kinds of troubles. Learn the art of self love. Instead of asking “Why me?”, start looking for reasons for “Why not me?” by listing all that you still possess and on the positives of what happened and what you still have.

Give yourself time, space and security

Take the time to heal yourself completely. Do not be in a hurry to move on. Give yourself the space to heal. Do not put yourself under pressure to heal faster. Take refuge in what makes you feel comfortable and secure. Move to a different environment, listen to music, socialize or indulge in other areas of interest to take your mind off this setback. Reconnect with family and friends that make you feel safe, secure and comfortable. Use this turmoil and uncertainty in life to heal and empower yourself to have creative breakthroughs.

Analyze and gain insights

Every incident in life brings with itself an opportunity for us to gain insights. Make the experience a stepping stone to move ahead better prepared. Find someone mature and unprejudiced to help you sort out your emotions and situation. Talk to a friend who may lay out the truth and help you understand why things went wrong.

Make a plan and start living life on your own terms. Get out of the victim mindset and take charge of your life. Leap into the owner mindset. Train yourself to deal with adversities.

Seek professional help if you are unable to handle things yourself or with the help of your immediate support system. Remember your well being is in your hands. It is your responsibility to keep your physical and mental health in prime condition, so do not hesitate to use the help of a well trained doctor.

Every breakup is an opportunity to do it right the next time.

Cindy Chupack

Forgive to move on

Forgive yourself and your partner. Forgiveness warms our heart and soothes our wounds. Remember that it takes a lot of inner strength to forgive. Forgive yourself for all the mistakes that you have made and forgive the other. The longer you hold on and refuse to forgive yourself and the other, the greater are your own struggles and misery. If you forgive, you take away your own pain.

It is important to learn how to complete the circle of kindness. Gain knowledge on how to accept the kindness extended by friends and family in time of need. Pain that is not handled with care, hurts you at very deep levels leading to ill health and disease. Forgiveness and kindness enables you to move on and enjoy new relationships better.

Build yourself

Use this opportunity to develop yourself and find your wholeness. Focus on yourself to dig out compassion for the one who has hurt you and understand that they may have their own perception and issues, not necessarily visible to you. This attitude helps you become more humane, sensitive and empathetic.

Art therapy

Give shape to your emotions. Indulge in creative pursuits like art to let out your bottled feelings. There are many benefits of art and indulging in art will help to heal you deeply. Learn new, creative, alternative art forms. Art can be a great tool as therapy. It will help your holistic development and let you break free from your pain. If you feel listless and are unable to figure out how to go about exploring this technique, here is what to do. Start moving your pen or pencil on any paper/newspaper/magazine etc. Alternatively if you are big on using technology start doodling on your mobile/computer or laptop. You need not be an artist to use art therapy. Anybody, with any level of skill, can deep dive into art to relieve themselves of any kind of mental and emotional turmoil.

Music – the healing balm

Listen to music to heal yourself. We all have heard that you understand the lyrics truly when you are yourself hurting from a heartbreak. Well – so be it… listen to what appeals to you. Maybe try and listen to your old favorites. Music affects us at a very deep level. It heals each and every cell in the body. This is one sure shot strategy to deal with a heartbreak.

Praying

If you are a believer, then there is no other remedy like praying. Praying has a deep influence on us. It helps you to stop resisting and to go with the flow. Praying helps you to accept what has happened with ease. Figure out what helps you best – is it praying alone at home, or in a group at a place of worship and do what suits you best.

Once you start laughing, you start healing.

Sherry Argov

Laughter is still the best therapy!

If you are unable to laugh even a forced fake smile goes a long way in making you feel better. Laughter helps in diffusing all the anger and tension built up in the body. It helps you to uplift your mood and lessen the pain. Laughing will help you to get back and rebuild a positive, optimistic outlook to life. Listen to comedy, read humorous writings and jokes. It may seem pointless at first but then remember that just hearing laughter readies your brain to smile and join the fun. And most importantly it costs nothing to smile and to laugh. As the saying goes, the best things in life are for free.

Someday you’re gonna look back on this moment of your life as such a sweet time of grieving. You’ll see that you were in mourning and your heart was broken, but your life was changing.

Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Moving on from Heartbreak to You Version 2.0

To conclude, let us remember that adversities and obstacles make us stronger. We can learn how to deal with heartbreak, provided we channelize our energy and deal with the situation by playing to our strengths. 

Learn to change your outlook and perception. Learn how to deal with heartbreak. You can then see heartbreak as an opportunity to unwind, update and reboot to a newer, more powerful version of yourself – You Version 2.0.

Editor’s Note:

You may also like to read about how to deal with confusion and dilemma, what is ‘Gratitude and its benefits‘, about Practicing Gratitude and about meditation and its benefits by the same author Crispy Maheshwari.

About The Author

Crispy Maheshwari is the Founder of FTEM (From The Experts’ Mouth).

She is very creative and multi-talented. She likes to write, paint and craft. Crispy loves to network, motivate people, teach and spread positivity.

Some of her work has been published in leading national newspaper, International Literary Journals and has also been translated to other languages.

She graduated from Lady Shri Ram College for Women, New Delhi and has dual professional qualifications – Chartered Accountant and Lawyer (Faculty of Law, University of Delhi).