13 ways to stop dwelling in the past | Overcome past memories

What is the meaning of dwelling in the past?

Dwelling in the past refers to repeatedly remembering and recalling past memories, events, experiences and regrets. Such a thought pattern can begin to adversely impact your present life and lead you to sadness and misery. Over indulgence of this habit leads one to be overburdened with an avalanche of emotions beyond sadness, ultimately leading to depression.

With the right tools and techniques it is possible to unlearn your natural leaning towards the past in a way that is self sabotaging. And with a little tweaking in your mindset and thought process, you can start processing your memories of the past to your advantage.

Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty; not on your past misfortunes of which all men have some.
Charles Dickens

What are the implications of getting stuck in the past?

Constantly dwelling in the past will keep you from living in the present and enjoying life in the current moment. It will make you blind to the wonderful opportunities that life presents you with. You may be too busy staring at the doors that closed, instead of being excited about the present. It will also prevent you from setting and achieving new goals, and from working gainfully towards a better future.

Dwelling on the past and worrying about the future will only rob you of the present’s joy.
Stacy A. Padula, The Truth We Never Told

Let us quickly list down the ways in which we manage to harm our self by constantly living in the past:

Prevents enjoyment of present moment.
Hampers moving on and finding closure.
Hinders personal growth and development by stifling creativity and ability to innovate.
Leads to excessive nostalgia and romanticizing the past.
Limits opportunities for new experiences and memories.
Curbs our future success and happiness.
Creates negative emotions such as regret, anger, resistance, sadness and depression.
Clouds judgement, impairs decision making and problem solving ability.
Demotivates and decreases productivity.
Negatively impacts relationships and interactions with others leading to unnecessary conflicts.
Limits the ability to embrace change and adapt to new circumstances.

Getting Unstuck – How to Stop Dwelling in the past?

With so many ill effects of dwelling in the past, you may feel very incompetent for doing this. And yet, you may find yourself at a loss to get rid of this damaging habit.

If you constantly dwell on the past that’s where you end up living.
Simon Weston

To deal with this issue, firstly it is very important to understand that dwelling in the past is a completely normal thing to do. However, when we start re-living the past moments repeatedly, it starts negatively affecting our personality and our current life. Here are 13 ways to handle this issue:

Acknowledge And Process Past Events

Reflect on past experiences, but try not to dwell on them. Allow yourself to feel any emotions that come up. Acknowledging and processing what we underwent in the past puts our mind at ease. This helps us to get out of the overthinking loop and the need to revisit it repeatedly.

It is, in fact, good to ruminate on what we have undergone in the past and process it to learn from the past experiences and sharpen our saw to be future ready.

What makes it unhealthy is when we visit the same past memories too frequently and get stuck in them. Or, when such past memories repeatedly create negativity within us.

It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.
Bruce Lee

Share Past Memories

Share what is bothering you with a friend or family member. We often find that we are able to better assess and sort out the past, by speaking out to a confidante about such past events or memories.

On the other hand, sometimes we are able to decipher the solution to a problem from the past, that has been nagging us, merely by talking aloud about it. At times just having someone actively listen to us narrate what we had to undergo, helps us deal with our emotions better.

Write About Haunting Memories

If you find yourself dwelling far too often, then maybe it is time to put pen to paper. Write down in great detail about the memories that have been hounding you from your past. Sometimes writing them over and over, repeatedly, as and when you begin to dwell in the past, is a very handy and practical technique to handle this issue.

Writing helps us to gather our thoughts and helps put our mind to rest. Jotting down what has been playing in your mind on a loop will put it at ease. It will let your mind believe that you will not forget this easily, and it does not need to replay it frequently.

Learn From Past Experiences

If you still find yourself to be compulsively living in the past, here is an interesting behavioral change that can be adopted. In addition to reflecting on past experiences, you can also go ahead and identify lessons that you learnt from them. Try and use these lessons drawn from past experiences to improve your future. This may not come naturally at first, and you may need to make a conscious effort before this becomes a habit, and you start doing this effortlessly.

Remembering the past with an intention to learn from it, also has incidental benefits. It can help you practice and learn the crucial skills of positive introspection and constructive reflection, and the keywords here are positive and constructive.

Forgive yourself – no one else will.
Maya Angelou

Learn to Forgive and Let Go

Many a times we are unable to forgive someone for their folly, or for an unpleasant experience in the past with them. At times our anger is self directed and we are unable to forgive ourselves too.

Having asked God for forgiveness, accept release, then truly forgive yourself and turn your back definitely on the matter.
Norman Vincent Peale

To attain great success, we need to consciously put in constant efforts to sharpen our saw. For this, you need to forgive and forget, let go and move on – so that you become the best version of yourself i.e. You Version 2.0.

Practice Mindfulness

Living in the now – the present current moment is being mindful. Doing this can help you enjoy life and experience it fully. It is all about adopting a mindset that forces you to be aware and observant in the actual, real world and not dwell in your thoughts.

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.
Buddha

Practice Gratitude

Practicing gratitude is about appreciating what you have. In very simple terms, this refers to the age old adage ‘Count your blessings’. I highly recommend that you read my views on:

as shared in my previously published articles, to understand this strategy and the benefits to using it in depth.

Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.
Voltaire

Setting Goals

Setting and achieving goals can help you to shift your focus to the future and move forward. When you are occupied in following the road map set out to achieve a preset goal, it automatically takes you away from a negative thought pattern. It forces you to brainstorm and think creatively in the face of uncertainty. It motivates you to achieve your purpose.

Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.
Denis Waitley

Being Gainfully Occupied

Keep yourself busy and engaged with new hobbies, friends, and activities. A conscious effort to keep yourself engaged gainfully will help you forget the past. Besides we all have read – “An empty mind is a devil’s workshop!”

Engaging in sports or physically straining activities is another great way to divert the attention of an overactive mind.

Re-frame Negative Thoughts

When negative thoughts about the past arise, try to re-frame them and develop the attitude to see things in positive light. Train yourself to look for the good in each event. Always look for the positive. If you cannot refrain from thinking about the past – dwell on it, analyze it, look at it from a new angle and think of the good or the positive in it.

Meditation

Meditation helps us become deeply aware and observant. It is great technique to learn detachment, including detachment from your past memories and thoughts. Sometimes we become too attached to the expected outcome of our efforts and become greatly disappointed when the final outcome does not meet our expectations. This is also one of the triggers to constantly revisiting and replaying past memories in our minds.

I have shared my views in depth about meditation in my previously published article – What is meditation? Benefits of Meditation.

Redirect Your Overthinking

If you fall in the bracket of the overthinking types, here is the trick for you. Consciously redirect your overthinking mind to happy memories.

It is okay if you falter in the beginning and find yourself often remembering unpleasant events of the past. With practice and constant effort, you will eventually start to focus more on positive happy memories. Dwelling in the past by replaying the happy events will trigger happy thoughts and positivity within.

Every morning brings new potential, but if you dwell on the misfortunes of the day before, you tend to overlook tremendous opportunities.
Harvey Mackay

Seek help

Learning and unlearning is a part of life. Equipping yourself with the right weapons and using the right ones at the right time to tackle your issues is what matters.

If dwelling in the past is affecting your day to day life, seek external help. Professionally trained therapists and counselors can hand hold and guide you to overcome this habit.

Conclusion

Before we come to any conclusion, it must be re-iterated that it is completely normal and human to have thoughts about the past. However, constant preoccupation with past memories and experiences is most likely to impact your present and future quite negatively. This is why we need to take action to curb this natural tendency.

An occasional or temporary reflection on past events and experiences allows you to learn from the past and grow. Dwelling in the past can also be a healthy and beneficial process, but only if we approach it with mindfulness and balance. Doing this can help us gain new insights and understanding, that enables us to take more informed decisions and actions.

Learn the right tools and techniques and turbocharge yourself to deal with your habit of dwelling in the past. This may be difficult, since remembering the past is a natural tendency. However, with persistence and patience, it is possible to overcome this tendency. Once we put in conscious efforts, the rewards are also commensurate.

Leading our lives in a disciplined manner can bring about a massive transformation across all aspects of life, as we align ourselves with the present and future, rather than merely dwelling in the past.

Editor’s Note:

You may also like to read about Gratitude and its benefits, about Practicing Gratitude, about Meditation and its benefits, about how to find your path in times of multiple confusing options in Action is the Prescription to Overcome Confusion and about How to deal with heartbreak when one is paralyzed by the death of a loved one by the same author Crispy Maheshwari.

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Crispy Maheshwari, From The Experts Mouth — Crispy Maheshwari

About The Author

Crispy Maheshwari is the Founder of FTEM (From The Experts’ Mouth).

She is very creative and multi-talented. She likes to write, paint and craft. Crispy loves to network, motivate people, teach and spread positivity.

Some of her work has been published in leading national newspaper, International Literary Journals and has also been translated to other languages.

She graduated from Lady Shri Ram College for Women, New Delhi and has dual professional qualifications – Chartered Accountant and Lawyer (Faculty of Law, University of Delhi).